Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive: I Can’t Do This Without You

Happy Monday Friends,

In light of my 2018 resolution to not complain, I am going to make an effort not to complain in this blog post.  That is, in spite of the fact that I have a bone to pick with all of my friends and followers.  For those of my blog followers that don’t know, I have an  Executive Facebook page where I talk about fabric, my companies, the history of our business, the industry, the sewing machine giveaway, charity, my personal life, whatever is on my mind and so much more.  If we aren’t already friends there, please take a minute to be my friend….pretty please.  Doesn’t that sound so cute?  I feel like Mr. Rogers, “Will you be my neighbor?”

There was one executive Facebook post in particular that I want to bring to your attention from December 15 which I have attached below:

When I posted that comment, I had 661 likes.  Today, I stand at around 1050 followers and it looks like I have hit the ceiling.  I think the people at Facebook are doing a Jedi mind trick on me because that number hasn’t moved in weeks, but who is looking?

Anyway, here is the complaining/non-complaining:  It was sad that we couldn’t get to 1250 likes and go upwards from 62 machines given away before the year ended.  I mean, it’s not like I was asking people to give me money or take an hour out of their busy day to help push my agenda.  All that I am asking is that you take a minute to share my page and get all your quilty/fabric friends on board.   Please have them “like” and share so that everyone could hear what I have to say and what I am trying to do to help revitalize our great quilting industry back to where it once was.  Is that so hard?  Is that so wrong of me?  If you ask me, I think it is a very admirable cause and I need to know that you are with me.

What I really want is more people to hear about the sewing revolution and to spread the free sewing machine giveaway to the farthest corners of the US.  I can’t do it without you.  The plan for me is to continue to give away free sewing machines to those suffering through tragedy or hardship for an indefinite period of time i.e. I have no plan to stop as of right now.

So here’s THE PLAN for this to be mutually beneficial:  Share my page with 5 people that you know who are in to quilting.  Share it with your guild.  Share it with your sewing circle.  Just focus on the people that you know would care to hear about my mission and my hopes for a strong future in the quilting industry.

I have at least 50 sewing machines in house to giveaway this year and I am NOT afraid to do lots more.  Let’s call a spade a spade, I gave away 62 in about 4 months, so imagine what I could do in a year.  Please believe in me that when I say “lots”, I mean lots.  Don’t test me!  But, I need more likes and shares and I need more legitimate requests from people that need a sewing machine to help them through their struggles.  The requests have slowed down dramatically of late and that is why I need your help to continue to spread the word and share the love that I have for our great industry as well as those who are down on their luck.  Give me a hand please.  We got this!

Thank you in advance!

Yours Truly Scott

P.S..…Here is where you can find my Executive Facebook page.

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Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive: Scott Hop With A Point

This past December when I turned 45, I started to reflect on my past and dream about what the future might bring.  After much deep thought and introspection, one critical question kept crossing my mind.  Unfortunately, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.  I haven’t been able to sleep over this much lately either.  I just don’t know what I am going to do.  Are you ready for this?  Please sit down and prepare yourself….

How much longer am I going to be blogging for?

I have not been able to come up with an answer yet, but I do know that I need some more angles at a minimum.  I mean, I have the free sewing machine thing, the yenta, the macher, bit’s n’ pieces, the made up stories and a handful of other concepts.  I am going to need some more, for sure, even if I just decide to blog until I am 50.  So without further ado, I am going to introduce my newest idea which is called, Scott Hop.  This is a play off a shop hop (duh!), but this is going to be my moniker to write about some of quilt shops that I visit during the year.

Colchester Mill Fabrics.
A sneak peek of what’s inside.

With that, let me tell you about a trip that I took just last week.  I drove nearly 3 hours from my house to Colchester Mill Fabrics at 120 Lebanon Avenue in Colchester, Connecticut to work with owner Cheryl Dolloff and her associate Liz.   As I often like to do, I dazzled them with an array of products, but especially the newest January 2018 lines from Studioe, Blank, Stof, Oasis and Ellie’s Quiltplace.  You will be happy to know that Colchester will have several fabric lines from the Jaftex Companies soon.  Please make sure to visit and check them out.

This was no ordinary quilt shop compared to most that I have visited in the past.  It really was more like a full blown craft stores.  To be honest, I was shocked to see how impressive the operation was in organization, product offerings and scale.  I could go on and on about how amazing the shop was and all the great aspects of it, but you really need to experience this for yourself…if you haven’t already.  So instead of raving about all the great attributes of Colchester Fabric Mills, I wanted to focus on something else that truly impressed me and had to do with Cheryl’s excellent business acumen.

After perusing all the products that I had to offer, Cheryl and her husband, Joseph took me to lunch at a local sandwich shop.  Joseph and I had the chili which was pretty freakin’ yum.  I digress.  I always enjoy small talk and

Cheryl & Joseph Dolloff.

learning about customers and their businesses.  As we got deep in to discussion, Cheryl explained that the store was in the process of a major transformation.  No, not a paint job or new shelves or anything like that.  Rather, after much analysis, Cheryl determined that her business model had shifted and many things that sold well in the past are not selling as well now i.e. home dec. fabrics.  In other words, she needed to adjust her business model to keep up with the times.  That means less home dec fabric and more of what is selling like quilting fabric.  With that, Cheryl decided to kick in to high gear and trust the extensive data in an effort to make her business that much better for the long term…..or at least until things noticeably change again sometime down the road.  This is a bold move that I absolutely admire because it takes a lot of guts to go through a makeover.

By now you should know that I love this sort of business:  using numbers, statistics and data to make big and smart long-term business decisions.  This should be a lesson to anyone who isn’t following the numbers.  Don’t forget this important fact ever:  THE NUMBERS DO NOT LIE!  In order to compete in this extremely technological and sophisticated world, you need to do your homework and act quickly when your homework is telling you to change things up.  If you don’t act fast enough, you will be left for dead and nobody wants that.  If you haven’t done so already, make sure to invest in a useful inventory system right now and turn over a new leaf for 2018.

I hope this post resonates with all the business owners out there and you all take the time to do your own analyses and homework in order to keep your business running at its best for the long haul.  Thank you Cheryl, Liz & Joseph for your hospitality and for confirming to me that change is good….in spite of it being difficult and scary to conquer at times.

Have a great week!

This is Scott Hop Fortunoff signing off.

P.S.  Have you been able to stick to the no complaining New Year’s Resolution?

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Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive: The 2018 ‘Complaining Diet’

A new year is a time when many people make resolutions.  I imagine that most desire to lose weight, eat healthier or be a better person.  Losing weight is my year-round mission.  It is unfortunately a constant battle, one that I often lose.   I just love food.   What can I say?   I digress.  This is why I am so excited about the 2018 ‘complaining diet’ which should be a cake walk compared to all the diets that came before it.

I was recently reading some CNBC articles and there was an one by Deepak Chopra and Kabir Sehgal, two gentlemen with extensive backgrounds on a multitude of subjects.  The article was called, Going On A ‘Complaint Diet’ Will Make Your More Successful in 2018.  The focus was on breaking a bad habit that many of us have, including your’s truly, of excessive complaining.

The first point is that complaining is really just a bad habit.  I am sure you know a person that complains a lot and you could probably think of many others that don’t complain at all.  The thing is that this makes you become a Debbie downer and you become trained to always be looking for things to complain about.  I could totally relate to this to this complaint cycle.

I have noticed lately that my tolerance for other people’s obnoxious use of technology makes me psychotic.  This happens a lot when I am on the train to work.  The guy next to me will be sending a text and he has his volume on his phone so I have to endure beep-beep-beep-beep every time he hits the keyboard.  I just can’t.  Or the guy who thinks it is okay to watch a video at full volume with 100 other people around.  Or the guy that listens to music at some ungodly decibel with his headphones on.  The worst part is that the people often don’t even realize and they just don’t care because why should they care about me or anyone else for that matter?  This can last for my entire train ride and by the time I get off the train I am ready to murder someone.  This is not a good way for me to start or finish my day.  Can you relate to this?

The second point is that complaining is unhealthy because it causes you to stress and gets your hormones all out of whack.  Yes, this is real.  It also causes you to lose friends because they can’t bear to listen to an excessive complainer…it just gets too annoying.  The article goes on to say that it is time for a reset with the help of the ‘complaint diet.’  Makes sense, right?

The last and most important point of the article was where the authors identified the 4 critical ingredients to a successful ‘complaint diet.’  By following these steps, you will focus on the positive and not the negative.

  1. Close your eyes and notice how you feel when there is a complaint brewing.
  2. Realize that you probably can’t do much about the issue at hand.
  3. Breath in and breath out and just let it go.  Serenity now (Seinfeld reference.)  Ahhhhhhh!  Doesn’t that feel good?
  4. Repeat to yourself that for which you are grateful.  (Optional).

If you ask me, this doesn’t sound all that hard.  I am going to start this right now and I expect the complaint lbs. to drop quickly.  I hope you try it too if this applies to you.  Finally, please note that this was not aimed at any of my customers at all as we don’t get any complaints EVER!  Have a great week and let me know how you progress on the easiest diet ever.

Regards,

Complaint-Free Scott

P.S.  In light of this blog post, I will not complain, nor will I accept complaints either.  So please complain to someone else.  This complaint hotline is closed.

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Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive: Happy New Year! & Free Sewing Machine Contest Revisited

Dear Friends,

On behalf of myself, my family and everyone at the Jaftex Companies, we wanted to wish you a very Happy New Year!  We hope that all your goals are achieved and that all your dreams come true.  To 2018!  Cheers!

Each first blog in January contains a New Year’s message and a revisited blog post from the year.  Considering the impact of Scott’s Free Sewing Machine Giveaway Adventure in 2017, I feel that it is appropriate to revisit the blog that started the ball rolling.  Before I go though, I wanted to remind everyone that I will begin to call people again starting in January to see if they are free-sewing-machine-worthy.  If you would like to submit a sewing machine request due to unfortunate circumstances or a tragedy that you are facing, please post your request as a comment in any of my existing blogs. 

RE-POSTED BLOG

Good morning!   How are you today? I hope you are withstanding all the crazy storm madness which has thankfully slowed down a bit it seems. This too shall pass, so hang in tight and don’t forget to breathe.  Can you hear me alright?  Okay then, let’s get this contest going.

People keep asking me what I am doing about helping those in Texas, Florida and surrounding areas who have been adversely affected by the storms. That is a great question that I too keep asking myself and I think I have finally found the answer. Yeah, I could make donations as I have already done. I could send blankets and food which I have already done too. But most anyone could do those sort of things. But you know me, I like to beat to my own drum and do my own thing. With that, I am going to go out on a limb and try something, well…..unique. Call me crazy, but here goes.

As I mentioned in a very recent blog post, I was going to give away the sewing machines that my good friend Joanne Hubbard donated. By the way, Joanne is my BlogFF (BFF). I digress. So yeah, the sewing machines. Aside from offering the machines from Joanne, Brewer is generously donating a machine for the giveaway from their Eversewn brand. But that just isn’t enough for me.  You know what I am saying? That would be around 5 machines and I want to do more….way more. Why the heck not? People are suffering and I want to do what I can to ease the pain, even if it is just a little bit and helps to put a smile on someone’s face. I am sure you are wondering what am I going to do. So let me tell you already and stop blabbing away.

I called my new friend Philipp Ueltschi, the Brand Manager of Sewing Machines at Brewer (his brand is EverSewn), and he kindly agreed to sell me machines at a special discounted price for my self proclaimed great cause. These are machines that retail for $200-$400. After I give away the 5 or so machines that I already have, I am going to start giving away BRAND NEW machines on a weekly basis for an indefinite time period. Yes, you are hearing me correctly. Now hear this one more time! I am going to buy machines, a lot of machines, and give them away for F—R—-E—-EEEEEE to people that lost their machine in the storms, never could afford to buy their own machine in the first place or a young person that wants to learn how to sew. I am open to other reasons as to why someone should earn a new machine. One more time, let’s say it together because it sounds soooo freaking good. Free. I can’t hear you. You can do better than that. One more time. FREEEEEEEEEE. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  Now you got it!

For starters, I am seeking requests from people in Texas, Florida and surrounding areas who have been adversely affected by the storms. I would like the pleas to be short and to the point. Maybe 200-250 words maximum as to why I should gift you a machine. I unfortunately don’t have time to read a novel so keep it tight. Or, you can even send me a photo with a caption that you think demonstrates why you OR SOMEONE ELSE should earn a free machine. Please enter all pleas into the comments section of this blog post. If you could figure out how to attach a picture to the blog, please do so. If not, email me the photo in some form with the caption. The top pleas will be selected by me and I will reach out to that person to confirm all the details and make sure all pleas are legit….no offense of course, but the scams are endless these days. By the way, this is not a scam, joke or trick. Make sure to include your city, state and email address so I can contact you for other info.  This contest is for people in the US only.  Make sure to be careful to enter all the info into the computer correctly because if your email address is wrong by even a single letter….NO SOUP FOR YOU! (Seinfeld Reference)

In addition to the free machines, I will be sure to include some other goodies…..maybe some fabric, maybe some notions, maybe some batting, it will be a surprise, but it will be “beast” as my son likes to call it and that is a good thing no doubt.

With that, let the requests start flowing in. And yes, please have fun when submitting your requests. Send any and all questions to scott@jaftex.com, but please don’t drive me crazy because I do have a regular full time job and it isn’t President Of Giving Free Sewing Machines Away if you know what I mean. No phone calls. You will be sure to know through our social media venues and my blog who the winners are as I announce them. Please know that this is my contest and I make the rules and all the final decisions. That’s just how it needs to be.  I am also giving myself permission to post details of all requests and pleas so if something is very private or you don’t want your name used, please make sure to let me know.

Good luck! Please make sure to share this with anyone you know who might be eligible to win especially in Texas, Florida and surrounding areas.  The last thing I want to say is that I can’t wait to see the faces of the winners when they find out that they are getting a new machine from me. That to me is priceless. Therefore, if you happen to be a winner, make sure to post a picture of your smiley face and your new sewing machine on any or all of my company’s (Studioe Fabrics, The Blank Quilting Corp. or Henry Glass Fabrics) Facebook, Instagram or other social media arenas.

Sewing Machine Scott

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Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive: 62 Reasons

Today I am on the road and the hotel that I am staying at has the most amazing gym.  It has spectacular views of the beach and ocean and all the beauty that goes with it.  It is 620 am, I had a great night sleep and feel amazing so that I am going to start out with a short 6.2 mile run.  I know I am going to be eating a lot over the holidays so I have to step up the exercise to battle the bulge.  I realize that exercise only does so much vs the food, but I am doing what I can as there is nothing worse than when January arrives and all my clothes are super tight….it makes it hard to think.  I digress.

About 6.2 minutes in to the run, I gaze into the beautiful view and just melt in.   I think I have a runner’s high going and I feel like sixty two million bucks.  As I gaze outside, I notice a tumult and crowd of people right outside the hotel.  They are a little too far away to decipher what they are doing or saying . The people have signs and are chanting something.  I am really in to my workout so I don’t even want to mess with my runner’s high to take off my headphones to figure out what they are yelling about.

6.2 miles is in the history books and I feel even better than when I woke up.  The power of exercise for the mind is just unreal…something to think about as we head in to 2018 and none of us is getting younger.  I leave for my room to shower and get dressed for the rest of my day.  I go to the elevator and head down from the 62nd floor.  It starts to get very loud as I get closer to the lobby.  Those same people I saw from the gym were still there with their signs and yelling. Wtf (fabric) is going on?

The signs and people were all facing East and my breakfast spot was West so I didn’t have to deal with all that nonsense.  Lucky me!   As I head west on 62nd Avenue, I hear a big roar and look back to see what happened.  This is crazy.  Someone screams out, “There he is!”  I wonder, who is HE they are talking about?   I turn around and realize that I am the “HE” and the signs say 62 more.  62 more?  What are they talking about?  OMG, they want 62 more of Scott’s Free Sewing Machines for 2018.  As they start chasing me, I trip and fall on the sidewalk.  I am lying there with all these crazy quilters standing over me.  They start to poke and prod me in a nice way and then I hear a whisper,  “Scott, Scott, it’s 6:20, you gotta get up for work.”

I hope you enjoy a made up story every so often.  I have fun making them up.  Wishing you an amazing end to the year and a great 2018.  I greatly appreciate your support of me, my family, my companies and my self-proclaimed Sewing Revolution.  Please know that I will begin giving more machines away starting in January 2018.  If you haven’t heard already, I purchased a pallet more of machines that I can’t wait to give away to those people who are suffering life tragedies.  Spread the word!

With Love,

Scott Fortunoff

P.S.  In my effort to help the Sewing Revolution along, I am willing to offer people some misprinted fabric rejects that can be used for the sole purpose of teaching people to quilt (I have white on white western prints and I have a 36″ book panel with a typo).  Price would be 50 cent per yard plus freight and all proceeds would go to buying more sewing machines to give away.  Minimum would be 100 yards as these are on large rolls.  If interested, post a request in the comments and I will be in touch.  First come, first served,  while supplies last.

P.S.S.…Please follow my Executive Facebook page.

PS.S.S… Also, please subscribe to my blog and get notifications when new blogs are posted.  Look up on the right side of this blog to register

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Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive: The Sewing Revolution Of 2018

Throughout history there have been various revolutions that have helped to shape the world as we know it.   I am hoping that my grandiose self proclaimed Sewing Revolution is no different.  I just need all of you to get with me by stoking the revolutionary flames.  We can achieve this by embracing the revolution and spreading the art of quilting in whatever way suits us best.  Know that we are all in this together because I am only one person and I can’t be the only force behind what will hopefully be a game changer for the fabric industry.

People keep asking me, “Scott, what do you mean by this Sewing Revolution that you keep referencing?” I have a simple answer for that and it really isn’t about what I mean, but rather it is about how the Sewing Revolution is going to spread like wildfire.  It goes something like this (in no particular order):

  • I am going to keep giving away free sewing machines to those suffering through tragedies in their lives or those living through extremely challenging times.
  • I am going to continue to urge people to teach others how to sew and quilt.
  • I am going to try to convince people to get a new machine and give away their old one to someone that can’t afford one.
  • I am going to keep selling more fabric, of course.
  • I am going to continue to donate fabric to those who can’t afford it.
  • If you say it more and more, people will believe it more and more and then they will embrace it more and more and jump on the proverbial bandwagon with the rest of us.

  • I will keep talking about it until I am blue in the face and everyone else is talking about it also.  It is so easy to embrace because so many people love quilting and fabric.  They just need someone to stir the pot, and at this time that person is me.  Long story short, we cannot allow this great art to wither away and become a lost art.

With that, I ask consumers, shop owners, competitors, sewing machine company owners and everyone else in this great industry, “What is going to be your contribution to the Sewing Revolution?”  Let’s do this and let’s have fun doing it.

That is a good start to the Sewing Revolution 2018.  Why are you still sitting there?  We have a revolution to embrace.  Chop Chop!

Have a great December!

Sewing Revolution Scott

P.S.  In my effort to help the Sewing Revolution along, I am willing to offer people some misprinted fabric rejects that can be used for the sole purpose of teaching people to quilt (I have white on white western prints and I have a 36″ book panel with a typo).  Price would be 50 cent per yard plus freight and all proceeds would go to buying more sewing machines to give away.  Minimum would be 100 yards as these are on large rolls.  If interested, post a request in the comments and I will be in touch.  First come, first served,  while supplies last.

P.S.S.…Please follow my Executive Facebook page.

PS.S.S… Also, please subscribe to my blog and get notifications when new blogs are posted.  Look up on the right side of this blog to register.

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Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive: 45th Birthday Musings

Since I announced that my goal was to have given away 45 free sewing machines by my birthday on December 4, it is no secret that today is my birthday.  Deflated yeah.  Deflated happy birthday to me.  With that, here are some birthday musings to start off my 45th year on this planet and about my 14th year in the fabric industry.

  • Please don’t wish me Happy Birthday.
  • Please don’t surprise me with any cakes or people jumping out from behind doors.  I don’t want to have a heart attack and I hate surprises.  If I was 21, that would be another story….but I AM NOT 21, I am more than double that.  WAHH!

  • I am so happy to have handily surpassed my free sewing machine goals for 2017.  62 machines in about 3 months.  Not too shabby for a 45 year old.  Next year, I will give away at least 52 free sewing machines which means at least 1 machine per week.

  • Congrats to all 62 sewing machine recipients.  I look forward to receiving lots of photos from all of you showing me what you have created with your new EverSewn machine.

  • I am hopeful that, outside of the 62 machines that I gave away, there has been a lot of other transactional activity in the sewing machine market to promote my self-proclaimed Sewing Revolution.  I hope people are buying machines, sharing machines, trading up to better machines and giving their older machines to someone else especially someone in the younger generations.  The Sewing Revolution presupposes that the number of sewing machines sold will drastically rise next year.  You heard it here first.  We need to keep stoking the revolutionary flames….and of course everyone needs to buy more fabric from their local quilt shop too…wink, wink.

  • I am happy to report that many people have praised my sewing machine giveaway. It’s great to hear that they will now be loyal Jaftex fabric consumers due to our unselfishness and commitment to the fabric industry and the community at large.  Thank you for that as it is a great honor for which the Fortunoff family is very proud.
  • The second half of this year has been some adventure with the sewing machine giveaway.  I really want to say that it feels like I gave birth, but then I had second thoughts about all the trouble I would get in for saying something like that.  Oops.  Delete. Delete.  Refresh.  Refresh.  It’s a joke, get over it.

  • Please know that I have given myself the month of December off from giving away sewing machines.  I will resume my free sewing machine giveaway in January so please share my giveaway with anyone you think might be eligible.  Don’t forget that all requests need to be submitted by comment in the comments section of any one of my blogs.  So there is no urgency to get your requests in to me until January.  If you received a call from me already, but we never spoke, don’t worry because I will reach back out to you in January.
  •  If you submit a request and I ask you for your address and phone number, you will likely be getting a call from me from a 516 or 917 area code.  Please pick up the phone, it is me and not a telemarketer.  I usually call on the weekend and I do speak with every winner.

  • I still can’t believe I am 45.  Where did the time go?  How many freaking blogs can one guy write in a lifetime?  Those are my Monday mourning (sic) birthday musings.  Have a great week.

Wishing everyone a great December filled with lots of joy and happiness.

The Birthday Boy

P.S.  In lieu of gifts, please make donations to your charity of choice and feel good about it.

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Tales of a Fourth Generation Textile Executive: Our Team Rocked Schoolhouses!

I hate to tell it how it is, but I am going to.   All of the schoolhouses that the Studioe Fabrics & The Blank Quilting Corp. sponsored at quilt market rocked and I got to witness most of them.  Don’t take my word for it though, take it from all the people that stopped me to say how relevant and helpful our  sponsored schoolhouses (SH) were. “So much better than those SHs that become showcases for new lines, which is what schoolhouse is clearly NOT supposed to be,” said  one happy customer.  (Please note that where possible I linked the schoolhouse on Youtube so that you could witness this for yourself.)

I personally found our social media oriented classes to be the most useful.   I mean, who knew how important a PS was.   But seriously, I attained a lot of good information with supporting handouts as well as clear and concise instructions and explanations.   In particular, new Blank Quilting licensor, Hope Yoder did a great job explaining social media photography and how to market and sell more fabric.  Abby Glassenberg dazzled us about how to make your shop an Instagram shop and how to use email marketing.  And our own Vanessa Denniston, our social media guru, wowed everyone with a how to on Facebook advertising that was extremely thorough.

 

Outside of the social media realm, Pepper Cory discussed, explained and showed different blocks from well know quilters in the industry using Peppered Cottons.  This is part of her new RSVP/designer program.  Also, sales rep extraordinaire, Janice Pope, spoke eloquently about how to lift your dollars per square foot metric.  Finally, Tana Mueller of Western Denim and Dirt, a Blank Quilting licensor, explained different variations of applique.  This is our way of giving back to our business partners.  Thank you for your support.

In general, I must say that the SHs were very valuable and are a great reason for shop owners to come to market.  There is just so much to learn and there are lots of smart people teaching.   Maybe I will do a schoolhouse one day.   On what, I have no idea.   Any suggestions?

With all this being said, please give strong consideration to attending the next quilt market in May 2018 in Portland, Oregon.  It’s not too soon to start making plans.  Sometimes it pays to book early.   I am excited to travel to the west coast minus the long flight and time differential.   See you then.

Schoolhouse Scott

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Tales of a Fourth Generation Textile Executive: The Results Are In

You remember when I did that April fools blog where I said I was fired from blogging by my dad and brother? I know that was so long ago, but I just found this blog and it makes me laugh and hope it makes you laugh too. I also don’t want to waste it.  Hopefully all my readers caught that it was an April’s Fools joke. Hopefully! Omg, is nobody reading my blogs anymore? Hello! I think I just heard a pin drop.

Did you hear that?

Anyway, to those who are still reading, at some point, I eluded to the fact that I didn’t really know if many people were reading my blogs. So you wouldn’t believe this. This is crazy. Nuts! There are actually more than 100 people reading my blog. Yes, well over 100. No freakin’ way. Actually, hold on a minute, it’s in the 1000s and not just like 1000, sometimes it’s 3000 or 4000 and more recently it is way more like 5k because of the free sewing machines that I am giving away to those in need. Omg, all for my crappy blog! I just can’t.  WTF? (F for fabric of course) I mean, how stupid is that moniker…Tales Of A Fourth…blah, blah, blah, dork?  Someone please rename my blog.  It takes five minutes for me to just type that nonsense in to the title bar and then I need to type in an actual title too.  How about some suggestions for a new moniker to replace Tales Of A Fourth Generation Textile Executive and be nice please?

This is hysterical though. Who knew? And who are all these readers? I think it is bots. Maybe it’s a conspiracy to make me think I am cool or people actually care about what I am saying.  Maybe it was the Clintons.   I hate to be political, but I couldn’t resist.  Or maybe it was the Russians.  I think the people of Word Press are messing with me and the stats are all lies.  Anyway, the internet is crazy.

Can someone please pinch me? Can someone please say something? Time for my loyal readers to come out from behind your fabric and sewing machines to say anything in the comments section. Pretty please already. We need to get all the cards out on the table here.

Anyway, I gotta go now before I die of laughter.  I think I am going to celebrate my blog fame. Want to join me for a little soirée?  Table for 5000. LOLOLOLO 😂.  Have a great week, a happy Thanksgiving and be thankful for being alive.  And most of all, thanks for following my blogs.

Cynical Scott

PS….I want to thank 2 amazing English professors from the University of Michigan: John Rubadeau and Eric (spacing on the last name right now, but he knows who he is). I also want to thank my law degree.   What a difference good teachers can make.

PSS….dad and bro will be giving me a raise real soon.

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532 words including these.  PERFECT!